Past tense

One of the things I've struggled with, since my mom's passing, has been referring to her in the past tense. Anytime I did so it made me flinch. "Yeah, my mom is...er...was...ummm," like smacking myself in the face with the fact that she is dead and gone.
I almost unconsciously switched to an ambiguity of speech, using " 's" for almost any conversation that included her, in any capacity, "my mom's," or "she's" was so much less painful. There are certain conversations you have with people, random in nature usually, where parents are mentioned. It doesn't always seem appropriate to stop that conversation to announce my mom is dead. there's always that uncomfortable silence, the other person doesn't know what to say except for "I'm sorry," then the original conversation just falls to crap. So I just stopped mentioning it, part of me wondered if that might be unhealthy, like I was somehow in denial even though I watched her fade from life. But I think it was a self-protecting instinct that just took over to save me from unnecessary pain, or embarrassment.
Yes, embarrassment. Sometimes it's slightly embarrassing to admit to strangers that you have no parents, and it almost seems like you might be trying to get some kind of special attention, hey look at me: I have no parents! But I've moved off topic, back to the point.
I've noticed that lately I'm able to speak of her, her life, her opinions, and her beliefs without that struggle. I can say, "my mom was," "she was," or "her life was," without crying.
It may seem a minor accomplishment, or milestone to some of you, especially those whose parents are still living, but to me it seems evidence of finally moving on.
I don't mean 'moving on' as forgetting her, or relegating her existence to a past I rarely think of, I still think of my Mama and miss her on a daily basis. But I am starting to move away from the grief filled anguish that has at times encompassed my life, and to an extent, defined me.