Today

This...
http://ktla.com/2017/04/10/multiple-gunshot-victims-at-elementary-school-in-san-bernardino-amid-report-of-active-shooter-officials-say/
This has been at the forefront of my mind all day.
This is why I am so honest about being a domestic violence survivor.
This is why i dont think its funny when people joke about beating their wives or girlfriends.

Maybe if we lived in a world less prone to victim blaming and shameful secrets, this wouldn't have happened.
My mind keeps retracing my own experiences.
The smart ass comments from the cops those few times i was brave enough to call....the phone call from the district attorney's office when they told me they weren't willing to pursue the case for lack of witnesses.
My tearful and angry response, "Will you take it when he finally kills me?"
How hard it was to tell my mother. How the words got stuck in my throat.
My drunk brother on the phone, saying i must've deserved it.
The car in the rearview mirror. Parked across the street.
That fear that never leaves.
The years it takes to finally convince yourself that you didn't deserve it, that it wasn't your fault.
My heart breaks for this woman, and the child that died today. My heart breaks for the child that survived, and each one that witnessed this.