Life lessons...again...

I'm always trying trying to find the reason,
to make sense of the chaos
know the unknowable

there must be a lesson in it
somehow
for the universe to drop this at my door
must be my job to decipher
to solve the puzzle

why why why why

haunting questions I can't ask
truths I'll never know

issues long put to rest
arise in my sleep
so i'll stop sleeping
avoid the ghosts that lurk in my dreams

avoid the mirror
my own gaze
can't see myself
every flaw and scar brand new

lose whatever progress I had gained
the work I've done
everything I've become

because of you

It was beautiful again
and so was I
however briefly
getting to share my soul
give my all

been so long I didn't know I could
amazed myself with the ease I fell
it felt like truth, like home
brave and bold

the disappointment that comes
once again.
the let down of shattered dreams
it's why you should never expect anything

I can't find the meaning here
this lesson isn't meant for me
by my right-doing it seems

this is someone else's karma
someone else's scheme.

my skeletons stay in the shadows
I've trained and tamed them
yours are something else
more sinister and cruel

Redefine who I am
without my permission
without my consent
you twist my intentions

make it all a lie